Money sucks

Im really pissed off because college is so expensive. Im sure many other college students are going through this same frustration. But, its not fair. Its bad enough that I have to work harder than the average student to stay in college but now that i managed to get the grades money once again stands in the way. I am worried that all my hard work is now in jeopardy because school is so expensive. This is really upsetting to me because school is the one ounce of normalcey i get. I really hope that everything works in my favor for once.

ER last night

Last night I had to be taken to the Emergency Room. I called my new PCP and she told me to go to the ER after telling her how Ive had fever and abdominal pain for the past three days or so. So, I went to the ER and sure enough my gallbladder was the culprit. I was not at all surprised since the sludge has caused me problems before. I hope the problem can be solved so I can have one less issue to deal with.

I cant take this anymore.

Im tired of my illness ruling my life. Its like I have no say. My mom is all like why dont you take a year off from school.. I tell her the same thing every single time. School is my only sense of accomplishment/productivity I get. Right now lyme disease has presented nothing but let downs. I still cant walk, this treatment doesnt work, ect... With school I feel productive, like im achieving something. I have my heart set on studying abroad spring semester. I brought it up to my mom today and she said you can only go if I can walk. like i have the ability to choose. I am so frustrated and angry because once again my illness decides what in my life I get to do. Studying in Sweden is something I knew I wanted to do since before even going to college. Spring semester is my chance to go.. my illness is once again the only thing standing in my way. Im sooo fed up. I want to be able to have a say in what I want to do. Ive missed out on too much of my life because of stupid Lyme disease. I really dont want to miss out on this too. Id do anything so I can get well enough to go. Please fate work in my favor. I beg you.

its so hard to say goodbye

My boyfriend left back for canada yesterday. I had so much fun while he was here. I love his company and dread the day when he has to leave. I love how he accepts me for who I am instead of  only seeing my disability.  The visit started out grim because the first week he came in town I was still in rehab. He is so devoted that he visited me everyday from start of visiting hours until late into the night. The second half more than made up for it. We even got to take a two day trip to Niagra Falls. He promised he'd take me out of the country since I often complain to him about my lack of traveling. (he is really well traveled and i wish i was ^^ ) At the stage I am at right now traveling is like playing Russian roulette. You hope for the good days but count on bad ones coming up. Lucky for this two day trip it was only good days. I guess the forces that be decided that i deserved those two days being good ones because they messed with my plans by causing me to be hospitalized while my boyfriend was in town.
I am extremely thankful for everything he does for me. I know it must take a lot of patience to be with an ill partner. Especially on the bad days. I dont know how he does it but he does a great job.
Saying Goodbye to him yesterday was just as hard as it was last time. I wonder if it ever gets any easier. Probably not. I hope I get to see him again soon.If Im lucky I might get to see him on my birthday. That would be the best birthday present I can get.

Home from rehab

I got released from rehab today. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I am really happy to be home and on the other hand I feel like I could use more rehab. I was hoping to be standing by the time I got out but unfortunately, it didnt happen. My goal is to be walking (on crutches or cane at the least) by Christmas. I really hope I can achieve this goal.It does feel good to be home though. I missed my dogs especially. I went and surprise visited my grandparents. I wanted to introduce them to my boyfriend. Things went well and I had a really nice time with them as always.

Fourth of july

I spent the holiday with my boyfriend. Despite being in rehab still, we managed to enjoy our time together. We even managed to go out on a day pass to dinner and frozen yoghurt. It was so nice being able to see him. My boyfriend is from canada so the time we actually get to be together is extra special. I hope those who celebrate hope u had a happy 4th of july! :-)

Good day

I had a good day today. It started off with productive therapy sessions. In physical therapy we did e stim, in occupational therapy we did coloring exercises, and in speech i was given a banana to practice chewing and swallowing. The therapy dog was brought in today. I was so happy to pet him. This evening i went out on a day pass to get my boufriend from the airport. I surprised him because he didnt think i was able to leave the hospital. I was so happy to see him. It made my week. I cant wait to see him again tomorrow. For now im going to get some sleep. Good night.